Post by raphael caiazzo on Aug 5, 2021 22:30:40 GMT -5
embrace the pace of your own journey.
| To watch Alessandro walk away from him yet again had been extremely painful, even though this time, Rafael had the advantage of knowing where he would be and that he finally had permission to visit him. It still didn't make him feel any better about the situation, especially since Rafael knew that he was bound to remain alone in Florence for the rest of his life. He wasn't sure how Alessandro had found it in his heart to even begin to forgive him for all of his wrongdoing, but Rafael was certain that he was not worthy of that forgiveness. So much of their years together had been spent fighting, going back and forth about one thing or another, and causing the other pain with their words and actions. They had always been passionate, both in the way that they loved one another and the way that they fought with one another, though the space between them only grew over the centuries they had spent together. Rafael had always been a vastly different person to Alessandro, having been under the thumb of a brutal sire who hardly gave him the chance to even think for himself. Nicola Cavallo had been the thing of nightmares, the reason why Rafael still carried the weight that he did today, that he still wallowed in his pain and did most of the things that drove Alessandro away from Florence in the first place. He had been used and abused, but he had promised to not be the same person to his new fledgling, vastly different from Nicola in most ways, yet still adopting some of the deceased vampire's worst traits. For all his change and differences, there were still many parts of Rafael that were comparable to the man who had changed his life. He knew he had been cruel, violent, manipulative... He knew that his theatrics and the way that he carried himself, the way that he often killed without remorse, had been the biggest reasons as to why Alessandro had left his side in 1955. Rafael just wished that the things that were good about him, the facets of his personality and behavior that hadn't changed, would have been good enough for his mate to have stuck around Italy. All of that was why they were they way they are now. The pair of vampires were frequently walking on eggshells around one another, holding their breath and just waiting for the other to take a step out and see just how thin the ice beneath them was. Rafael knew he didn't deserve Alessandro, he knew that he shouldn't have expected the other to stay, he knew that he didn't deserve any explanation as to why the man didn't feel comfortable staying in Florence... But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt. None of that meant that Rafael didn't feel, it didn't mean that he didn't cry, that he didn't feel a pang in his undead heart whenever he stalked past the ballroom or the music room. Though he had lived in it for the better part of six years now, the villa was much too big for one person, and Rafael was beginning to regret how much time and money he had invested into it, especially if Alessandro didn't plan to live with him. Thoughts like these cropped up frequently now that they had reunited, but tonight felt different, like every bad emotion Rafael had ever felt was coming to attack him all at once. He fell to his knees in the middle of the ballroom, a familiar situation, preceded by the moment when his arms closed around nothing and he was reminded of the fact that Alessandro was not there. He let out a heartbreaking scream, clutching at his shirt and sobbing as he tried desperately to cling and keep from drowning into the dark abyss of his own emotions. Everything had been his fault, everything had always been Rafael's fault, he just wished he wasn't so damn difficult to love. Why couldn't he have been perfect? Untouched by the darkness and manipulation of his sire, why couldn't he have been her? The only woman Alessandro had ever loved, the only one who Rafael could never compete with. Why couldn't he have just been dead? His existence felt cursed, and Rafael just wished that he could ice it all out, and be just... Perfect. |
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