what i should have done (corvus)

[ransom xavier flint]

❝ ransom xavier flint most of the time i really hate the way you make me feel This was Ransom's worst nightmare come true. The world was ending, and he'd played a part... and, in the midst of it all, Corvus had tried to take his own life. Worst of all, he'd had to learn about it from his mother - a woman who wasn't exactly known for her sensitivity. She'd sent an owl to tell him - but, rather than breaking the news in any gentle, motherly way, she'd merely lamented that Corvus had done it for attention, and how wonderful Ransom was for not resorting to the same, "low" tactics. The letter had been set ablaze rather quickly, with little remorse from Ransom. His stomach was knotted with guilt, knowing fully that Corvus had been put in that position because of what Ransom had done - or rather, what he hadn't done. What kind of brother was he, not being there for Corvus? What kind of person did it make him, succumbing to his fear and extending the cycle of mistrust and abuse along to his little brother? This was all his fault. It had taken him a great deal of effort to find Corvus. He'd been taken in by a woman named Maggie, though he'd learned that she was just as broken as Corvus at the moment. She'd been the one to reach out to his parents despite it all - Ransom couldn't imagine what response she would have gotten from them, given his mother's message to him. With Trinity's help, Ransom was able to locate the place that Corvus was resting, and was able to gain access. It felt wrong, being in what was very much an Order safehouse after everything... but, Corvus was more important than the damage he'd done to their cause. A nice, older man led Ransom to the room where Corvus was tucked into bed, reading. He hovered awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of how to proceed. "Can I come in?" Ransom asked after a moment of silence. (tagged)⏤ corvus alexandre flint (WORD COUNT)⏤ 325 words (notes)⏤ our poor sweet boys...

MADE BY MIZO

[corvus alexandre flint]

CORVUS ALEXANDRE FLINT embers ★

there's an amount to take, reasons to take more        it's no big surprise you turned out this way  Corvus was not supposed to still be alive. It sounded like a ridiculous sentiment when put so bluntly, but in the grand scheme of things it was hard to refute. He had killed someone. Not just anyone, but one of his favourite professors. A woman who had practically raised him, certainly she’d done more to shape the person he was now than his own mother ever had, and he had betrayed her in cold blood. There was no forgiveness for that, despite everything that Lauren said, nor was there any undoing of his own mistakes. He’d been so afraid of Noa turning him into a monster that he’d agreed to follow her orders with blind obedience. It wasn’t until he’d held his wand to his wrists that he realized she’d created a monster all the same. Just not the one he’d been expecting. Some days, he wanted to be mad at Omar for pulling him out of that bathtub. He certainly had been in the moment, screaming with anguish and thrashing as much as possible as the strength of his lifeblood slowly weakened him bit by bit. There had been a moment when his vision faded to black, and the only thing that washed over him was relief. He’d wanted to sink into the darkness and never return, to embrace everything he’d brought upon himself since this horrible war even began. But then he’d woken in this room, a makeshift hospital since apparently the real ones had all fallen apart, and knew that there would be a while yet before he would have that peace. It was fitting, really. Why did he deserve the peace of death when he’d caused so much suffering? The past week had passed at a crawl. Benny came to visit as often as he could, though he was preoccupied with the far more unstable health of his aunt. Corvus always shooed him away, telling him that Maggie needed him more. He would be fine. So when the staff had told him he had a visitor, he’d thought nothing of it. His nose was still tucked in his book when a voice he never thought he would hear again fell over him. The world froze in that instant. He was back again in that dungeon, the smell of waste and blood thick in the air, he could still feel the grip of Ransom’s hand on the back of his neck. His breath hitched, and he did not register the book falling from his fingers to the side of the bed. There was nowhere for him to run. He should have known, he was a fool to think that the Order would protect him after what he’d done. Even more so to think that his insolence to the Kindred would not go unpunished, he just had not anticipated that it would be Ransom they sent after them. “Wh-what are you doing here?” He cursed the sound of his voice. He still sounded like a scared little boy. “I’m not going back to Noa, you can’t make me.” TAGS: ransom xavier flint WORDS: 510

[ransom xavier flint]

❝ ransom xavier flint most of the time i really hate the way you make me feel Immediately, it felt as if the world had tilted underneath him. The fear that coated Corvus' face was raw and real, and it made Ransom's stomach twist with guilt. He was afraid of him. It should have been something that Ransom had known, something he should have been prepared for when coming to make amends. He'd put his little brother through hell out of a warped sense of heroism - he'd wanted to scare him away from the life that he lived, but he'd only managed to draw him farther in.   Corvus had wanted to die, rather than face the reality that Ransom had accidentally cultivated for him - likely, he still felt that way. And it was all Ransom's fault. "Wh-what are you doing here? I’m not going back to Noa, you can’t make me.” Ransom shook his head, a painful lump solidifying in his throat. "That's not why I'm here," Ransom murmured. "I'm not... that anymore. Mum wrote to me about what... about what happened. Trinity Levens helped me find you, so I could make sure you were safe. Corvus, I'm..." Ransom choked on his words, shoulder shuddering under the weight of his own guilt. "This is all my fault, and I am so, so sorry." (tagged)⏤ corvus alexandre flint (WORD COUNT)⏤ 208 words (notes)⏤ <3

MADE BY MIZO

[corvus alexandre flint]

CORVUS ALEXANDRE FLINT embers ★

there's an amount to take, reasons to take more        it's no big surprise you turned out this way  "This is all my fault, and I am so, so sorry." It was a trap. That was the only thing that Corvus would think as the words fell upon his ears. There was simply no other explanation for what was going on other than that, because there was no universe in which Ransom could possibly be apologizing sincerely for anything, least of all something that he was right about. After all, he was the one who had said Corvus did not have the guts to handle being in the Kindred. He’d called him a child, said it was something beyond his capabilities. He’d been so keen to prove his brother wrong, so dead set on making sure that he was going to be seen as the adult he had thought he was, that he hadn’t realized he was going too far. And Ransom had known all along. How could he not have? He should be happy to see how far Corvus had fallen. “I don’t…” He swallowed thickly, and propped his hands under himself to scooch away. He was unable to hide the wince that crossed his face as the wounds on his wrists pinched with pain at the motion. They were bandaged well enough, and had been stitched together with muggle healing to make sure they stayed closed. Something about the spell had been resistant to magical healing, or something like that. To be honest he had not been paying all that much attention when it was explained to him after the fact. “Mum wrote you? Did… did she ask about me? I miss her, I miss dad and Cassia.” His voice barely rose above a whisper as he latched onto the only sensible part of the sentence. His eyes welled up with tears as he spoke. “Ransom, I wanna go home. If– if you’re not here to tell Noa, why did you come?” TAGS: ransom xavier flint WORDS: 315

[ransom xavier flint]

❝ ransom xavier flint most of the time i really hate the way you make me feel The suspicion in Corvus' eyes continued to break down Ransom's resolve. It was all he could do to not collapse under the weight of it all, to grieve all of his mistakes. All of this was his fault, there was no getting around that fact. He'd been so broken down by his own trauma that he'd ruined the lives of those around him - his brother most of all. Did that excuse anything? Did his trauma exempt him from his guilt? Ransom didn't think so. If anything, that was nothing but an excuse. He could have chosen not to harm Corvus, indirectly or directly, as a result of what he himself had been through. But, he hadn't. "I don’t…” Ransom watched, his heart continuing to shatter - if that was even possible - as he watched Corvus wince and suffer as he continued to put more distance between them. "Mum wrote you? Did… did she ask about me? I miss her, I miss dad and Cassia. Ransom, I wanna go home. If– if you’re not here to tell Noa, why did you come?” More bad news, more things to simply break Corvus down. Ransom felt sick with guilt, and was worried he might double-over and empty his stomach of its contents. He swallowed, steadying himself, before he sighed. "She... doesn't want you home. She thinks... she's ashamed that you tried to..." Ransom couldn't even finish the sentence before he was overcome with tears. He gasped, choking on the sob he'd been holding back. "I just... I wanted... Fuck, Corvus, I'm so sorry. I did this, I feel responsible, I used what had happened to me, I just... This is all my fault, I wanted to make sure you were alive, and safe, because this is all my fault." (tagged)⏤ corvus alexandre flint (WORD COUNT)⏤ 298 words (notes)⏤ <3

MADE BY MIZO

[corvus alexandre flint]

CORVUS ALEXANDRE FLINT embers ★

there's an amount to take, reasons to take more        it's no big surprise you turned out this way  Ransom was crying. It was an odd sentence, one that did not feel quite right as it rolled around in his head. He felt like it should shock him. Had it happened minutes earlier, Corvus was convinced that the sight would have left him rattled to his very bones. Ransom was a liar and a cheat, he was a selfish man and a coward, and he could pretend all he wanted was to apologize, it would have done nothing to sway Corvus from his suspicion. But Ransom was not a good actor, and he never had been. He could deny it all he wanted, but he had always been an emotional man, regardless of if he only chose to express it as anger. To see such… sorrow, such grief, come from his brother was almost unheard of. And maybe, just maybe, it would have sparked a seed of trust in him, had it not been for the fact that his ears seemed to have stopped working after the first sentence. His mother didn’t want him. She didn’t want him to come home because he had tried to kill himself. It was as though his head had been submerged in water as the world grew muted around him and he watched his brother’s face crumple in a sob. The only thought that crossed his mind was how ugly an expression it truly was, now that he was finally seeing it. What right did Ransom have to cry, after what had happened? Had his mother cried the same way, when she’d found out? Or had it just been disgust from the beginning? Unconsciously, his fingers went to the barely closed wound on his left forearm and picked at the stitches. It stung more than it had when he leaned back on them, and with the pain, everything snapped back into focus once more. “Oh.” It was a cracked, broken syllable. He wanted to say more, but the words fell flat on his tongue, and lingered with a bitter taste. If anything, it was stupid of him for not having seen this coming. Though in his own defense, he had not planned on being around to see the aftermath of his decisions. “Well… I’m alive,” He replied, the words almost mechanical. He could not look at Ransom anymore, too overwhelmed by the magnitude of his emotions, the smell of blood in the air and the feeling of the stitches under his fingernails as he pulled harder and harder the faster his heart beat in his chest. “Job’s done, right? You saw what you needed to see and now you can go. I hope it worked, making you feel better.” TAGS: ransom xavier flint  WORDS: 446

[ransom xavier flint]

❝ ransom xavier flint most of the time i really hate the way you make me feel Of all of the horrible, hurtful things that Ransom had done in his life, this was the thing that brought him the most pain. He tried to quell the ugly sobs that shook his entire body, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to keep him from being brought to his knees by it. There was so much that he'd done wrong, so many ugly things that he was trying to face... But, he couldn't face this. It was like he was back to his childhood, being the scared little boy who was afraid to disappoint those he cared about most. Except he had done nothing but disappoint and scar, had used everything at his disposal to make the lives of those around him worse. But no one had suffered like Corvus had. He could see his lips part, could make out the little gasp of an "Oh" that came from within him at the fact that his own mother hadn't cared that he'd tried to kill himself. That little sigh nearly undid Ransom all over again, and he clung to himself tighter. His head felt as though it were going to explode, his nose running uncontrollably. And then something turned off in Corvus - and it terrified him. "Well... I'm alive. Job’s done, right? You saw what you needed to see and now you can go. I hope it worked, making you feel better.” "C-corvus... Co-corvus, ple-ease," Ransom sobbed, the words garbled. He nearly choked on them, and wouldn't that have been sweet justice? To suffocate on his pathetic attempt at righting wrongs that could never be undone. Corvus was better off without him. "I lo-love you-ou," Ransom gasped. "A-and I'm s-so-sorry. B-b... Be s-safe." Ransom couldn't bear to look at Corvus again as he spun on his heel, head down, chest aching, and walked himself through the door - out of sight, out of Corvus' life forever. He barely took notice of the dark-haired boy that he pushed past in his hurry, ignoring the looks of those who were concerned as he rushed past. Ransom exploded out of the corridor into the safehouse, vision blurry, and he didn't hesitate when he pulled his wand from his coat-pocket. Corvus was better off without him. Ransom spun again, unsure of where he would land as he Apparated, and vanished with a pop from the safehouse. Corvus was better off without him. The world was better off without him. (tagged)⏤ corvus alexandre flint (WORD COUNT)⏤ 409 words (notes)⏤ <3

MADE BY MIZO