no such thing (william)

[ivy elisabeth writting]

Oh hush, my dear,
It’s been a difficult year

The world was getting darker and darker, causing a strange streak of cold to run through Ivy every time she thought about it. She was no longer so alone, now that Wyatt was home from Hogwarts and living with her permanently. Despite this, Ivy found herself lonelier than ever. Ever since her mother died, she’d wanted a big happy family. She’d had it briefly, before it was ripped from her grasp.

For months, years, she’d ignore the longing for something more. But lately she’d begun to follow it. This is what had led her to Wyatt and to becoming an adoptive parent. That had turned into a beautiful thing, so Ivy was grateful that she’d let that part of her win. And now, that day, the longing was leading her back to the house she’d once shared with William.

They’d been talking more as of late, developing a routine to visit their family at the cemetery and talk about whatever was coming up in their lives. William was preparing to testify in an upcoming trial, where he’d talk about the barriers he faced as a werewolf. He would be bringing up Shyla, which Ivy found uncomfortable, but they’d actually managed to work through that idea to the point where she found she was actually alright with the idea. Some things were worth doing.

She showed up at the house unannounced, knocking quietly on the door before letting herself in. Ivy wasn’t even sure if William would be there and, technically, it was still her house too. Feeling suddenly light with nostalgia, Ivy floated through the house, making her way toward the back where she’d be able to see her overgrown garden.

It was in the living room where she found William, almost as if he was waiting for her. Her breath caught at the sight of him, almost as if she could still see the two toddlers attached to her husband’s legs as they screamed with laughter. Such a lovely memory, though it dissipated back to reality within a moment as Ivy met Will’s eyes. ”I miss this place,” she whispered.

william jameson alcott

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[william jameson alcott]

some journeys in life need to be taken alone

❝

The passage of time had always been puzzling. Two years, for example, felt like both an eternity and a heartbeat. When Irene had turned two, William had marveled at how quickly the time had passed. How the tiny, squalling infant he had cradled suddenly became a toddler, wobbling about on fat, unsteady legs. Samuel’s second birthday seemed to have creeped up on him even faster.

But now, two years after their deaths, Will was keenly aware of every breath he took without them, and it was far too many. Each moment dragged, manifesting a special sort of pain that walked the torturous line between physical and emotional. Being without his children hurt, more than anything he could have ever imagined. He wondered what they’d be like, if they still lived. The world had become cruel and cold in their absence. Death reigned - or was close enough to it, anyways, through the terror vampires had been causing for werewolves like himself.

There were times when he wondered if it was better that his babies were gone. It was never a pleasant thought, and it was certainly one he was heavily unpacking in the hours of therapy he was now undergoing. But they were safer. Never one for religion to begin with, Will had started to ponder the thought of an afterlife - and where the innocent, blameless souls of his children had gone. He hoped that whatever world they were in now, it was safer and happier than the one he endured.

There were good days now, at least. William was never quite sure when he started to notice them, but he had. They weren’t common, not like they had been before, but they were at least happening. He didn’t wake up wondering why he still lived.

It was a start.

Therapy helped. So did Ivy. William still considered her his wife, but he knew better than to think of her like that in any way except the legality of it. They’d become estranged over the two years, torn apart by the machinations of his sister and the blood that would permanently stain his hands. Still, they were forever connected. It had once been through joy, and now trauma and loss were their links. It had twisted their relationship in a way William knew would never fully be undone - but they were trying. They visited the cemetery together more often.

His trial was coming up. He’d be testifying about his treatment as a werewolf in the Ministry. About the abhorrent and derogatory things Shyla had said to and about him. Ivy hadn’t been the biggest fan of it. William wasn’t expecting her to be - but it was unfair to ask him to sweep such a large piece of the discrimination he faced under the rug simply because his wife was friends with the person that had been so cruel to him.

Shyla’s death had been an unexpected piece to the puzzle. Will didn’t wish death on anyone, but he also did not mourn her loss. At the end of the day, the former minister had been hypocritical - preaching equality and protection for werewolves, but demeaning and belittling him for his status as one, using that as a weapon against him, saying he deserved to die…

It had all been inexcusable.

Now, he had an opportunity to say his piece. It was a surprising motivator for him, and it had helped push for this change in mentality he was experiencing.

He could make things right.

Most weekends used to be spent in bed or locked in the basement of the rundown cottage he had bought. Now, he pushed himself out of bed, he went on walks, and he puttered around the house with one project or another. The living room had always been in desperate need of repairs. A small hole in the wall here, a scratch in the floor there, a tear in the rug…he was slowly getting through them all.

So it was with his sleeves rolled up and a trickle of sweat on his neck that Ivy found him in the space, doing the tasks by hand rather than with magic. It was far more cathartic that way.

I miss this place.

Her voice startled him, and yet it also didn’t. Like he knew she was coming, and Ivy’s presence just made something he didn’t know he had been expecting clicked into place. She’d always been like that for him, it was why he had married her, but he hadn’t gotten that sensation in a good long while.

Two years, more accurately.

“It misses you, too,” he greeted, looking at her for a good long moment. “It misses everyone.”

ivy elisabeth writting ● no notes ● 779

MADE BY MIZO

[ivy elisabeth writting]

Oh hush, my dear,
It’s been a difficult year

Ivy felt a pang at the sight of William fixing a little hole in the floor by hand, hunched over in the type of focused way she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. This could’ve been from a misplaced spell, a child’s toy, or just wear on the aging home. Regardless, Will always fixed these things, knowing just how to take care of her and their children in that way.

He turned to look at her and the smile that Ivy wanted to bring to her face just wouldn’t quite come. He didn’t seem surprised by her sudden presence in their home, though she hadn’t been here in months and probably shouldn’t have arrived unannounced. Ivy realized in that moment that there was no moving on for them, no such thing as getting over their children’s deaths. They’d continue to fall into each other and away from each other in this way because they had to; it was the only way.

”It misses you, too. It misses everyone.”

Ivy nodded slowly, glancing around the room as if the house were asking her to be here. She met his gaze after a moment, noticing how intently he was looking at her, and reached her hand down to help him up to his feet. They were getting older now, not yet old, but no longer young, and she figured his knees were starting to creak in the same way that hers now did when she spent too long bent on the floor.

Ivy was quiet as William got to his feet, letting the visceral memories of this place wash over her. She’d been so young once, carried across this threshold by her new husband as they decided to buy a home they could grow into and raise a family. That day they could hardly contain their smiles, a stark contrast with this one where they couldn’t bring any happiness to their faces. And still, Ivy felt a warmth for him. ”I miss how we used to be, too,” she added after a long while. ”Do you miss that?

william jameson alcott

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[william jameson alcott]

some journeys in life need to be taken alone

❝

This was not what Will ever had in mind when he had promised to grow old with Ivy. He had not meant for them to be aged so quickly in the course of a single night, nor for them to continue to age in the healing from it. He also hadn’t intended for them to grow apart, but they had. Though everyone insisted it was no one’s fault, that if anyone, Anna was to blame, William blamed himself. He always blamed himself.

As she offered him her hand, however, it did feel like that gap had been at least partially bridged. It would never fully close, not after everything, but neither could wholly extricate the other from their life. Not after everything. Not when it had been so good for so long. And, conversely, not when it had turned so terrible so quickly.

He supposed that’s why it was hard for her to come by lately.

I miss how we used to be, too. Do you miss that?

The responding look Will gave his wife was more than answer, the devastation mingling with the aged near-hopefulness he was now experiencing. “Every day,” he replied, giving her hand a squeeze. “You gave me the happiest years of my life, and a love beyond anything I could imagine…and then you gave me two kids that made me rethink that, too.”

It still ached, to talk about their children, but at least now the ache wasn’t an all-consuming void. It was more of a pang. Their babies were gone, but they were not forgotten. They would never be forgotten.

“I know it will never…be like it was,” he continued after some silence. There were lots of long silences between the estranged couple nowadays, but they had grown less tense and awkward and had grown into something almost comfortable for Will. Like neither had to say anything to understand the hurt they were both enduring. “But I am grateful to have you in my life, Ivy. For better and for worse.”

They had endured them both.

ivy elisabeth writting ● notes here ● 342

MADE BY MIZO

[ivy elisabeth writting]

Oh hush, my dear,
It’s been a difficult year

This place, which they’d moved into just before Irene’s birth, had always been filled with sound. From babies crying to toddlers playing, it had been anything but quiet. It was the silence that felt deafening these days to Ivy. It felt so big when it was so empty, more haunted than ever. She used to think she heard her children in the rooms or just behind the next wall, but now she just felt the all-consuming quiet of the place. Spaced between every thought of the house’s former two adult occupants, raw and painful silence.

”Every day. You gave me the happiest years of my life, and a love beyond anything I could imagine… and then you gave me two kids that made me rethink that, too.”

Ivy bit her tongue, tears pricking to her eyes at William’s words. He had often awed her with his eloquence, but reflecting back on all those years in this way made her whole-body ache with longing. ”They were the happiest years of my life too,” Ivy managed, her thumb rubbing against the back of his hand, still not letting it go. She’d felt so broken when she first met William, a motherless bird just wandering. He’d filled in the gaps and they’d built a life together, then a family too. And despite her best efforts, it had all shattered apart anyway.

”I didn’t think I knew love until I met you, but you’re right, the kids made me wonder if everything else was small in comparison,” she whispered. ”They were our whole world, you know?” Ivy had felt like her life revolved around the two of them, but they were so small and in the end, so fragile. When she blinked, she could still see them reaching for her. When she dreamed, they either giggled or screamed. They were never far from her thoughts.

”I know it will never… be like it was. But I am grateful to have you in my life, Ivy. For better and for worse.”

They’d really got their money’s worth out of those particular vows, it seemed. Ivy sniffled, trying to keep the tears at bay. ”I’m grateful for you too, William,” she responded, nodding slowly. He’d managed to bring comfort to her darkest days, during each miscarriage and even after their terrible losses. Despite their differences and how life had pushed them apart, Ivy still loved him fully. And so, she leaned in, pressing her forehead into its familiar place on his chest as she wrapped her arm around him.

william jameson alcott

MADE BY VEL OF GS