sleepless {xander}

[caelia vivien zabini]

let’s play pretend
Act like it comes naturally

Raiden never stopped crying. Never stopped crying. Caelia had known that colic was a thing that babies could have, but she hadn’t imagined anything like this. Her little boy, despite being adorable, seemed to be deeply unhappy, no matter what Caelia or Xander tried to do with him. He cried when he woke up, he cried before and after eating, he cried even when being bounced. The only time he didn’t cry was when he was asleep, which was so infrequent that Caelia couldn’t remember the last instance. Perhaps because she hadn’t been sleeping much either.

Xander and Caelia had come to an arrangement on the sleep front. They’d charmed the third bedroom with the muffliato charm and took turns sleeping in that room. It was mostly used for a few hours here or there, though Xander had gotten some full nights recently that made Caelia incredibly jealous. Unfortunately, as the mother of the baby, she was required to be up at least a few times each night to feed Raiden.

It was well after midnight and Raiden had fed about an hour ago, but still was dissatisfied. Caelia had tried burping him, to minimal success. She’d held, rocked, bounced, and even let him lie down. All to no avail. She felt like she was slowly losing her mind. The overwhelming love that had come over her after Raiden’s birth was a fleeting thought as she suddenly wished she could somehow give him back.

Caelia knew he’d hate her, but Xander had already been asleep for five hours. Compared with zero for her, he had it great. So, she decided it was his turn to bounce Raiden. Every once in a while it worked and he would get quiet for a bit, maybe he’d even fall asleep. Xander might have better luck that her. So against her kinder thoughts, Caelia cracked open the door to the charmed bedroom.

She stepped over to the bed, starting to shake Xander awake as Raiden’s screaming woke him up instead. ”I’m sorry,” Caelia whispered, trying to cut through the sound that permeated their lives these days. ”But any chance I can have a few hours? He hasn’t slept yet.”

xander yale zabini

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[xander yale zabini]

●●●

xander zabini

Oblivious to his nephew’s screaming, Xander was happily, deeply asleep. Sleep was glorious, he’d never before known a life where it was a rare commodity, and now that he’d moved in with Caelia and Raiden to have a roof over his head- he’d resolved to never take it for granted again. It made Xander irritable, the split sleep schedule he and his sister had unspokenly agreed on, the pair of them desperate to appease a fussy, collicky infant. Not that it did much good. Raiden could have been cute if he didn’t constantly wail, the boy’s cries escalating to something like an air raid siren.

Slight exaggeration, but that was what it had felt like when Caelia cracked open the door to the bedroom they’d insulated against the constant cries. Face half smashed into his pillow, Xander shifted further, as if hoping his sister might take mercy on him if he appeared way out of it. It was a foolish thought, a selfish one, Merlin what he wouldn’t have given for a full straight eight hours… It wasn’t lost on Xander that he’d have one of his own babies in only a few more months- the current experience was currently putting him off to the idea, he could only hope the baby Ava popped out would be more content than his nephew.

He’d said he would be there for her, and he meant it, but in what capacity he wasn’t sure.

At any rate, Raiden’s cries had a way of turning off those weird thoughts and feelings he had about the woman carrying his child.

“I’m sorry. But any chance I can have a few hours? He hasn’t slept yet.”

Xander groaned, couldn’t help it. But he relented, pushing himself up to a seated position, a hearty yawn tumbling from his mouth. He dragged his hands down his face, as if he could wipe away the fatigue with it. “Alright, hand him over,” Xander mumbled, holding out his hands to take the baby.

caelia vivien zabini ● 333 ● no notes

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[caelia vivien zabini]

let’s play pretend
Act like it comes naturally

Caelia felt mean as soon Xander opened his eyes, a groan emanating from him that Caelia related with whole-heartedly. This baby, he was merciless, not content unless everything was just right. And for the life of them, neither Caelia nor Xander ever seemed to figure out how to get things just right. Sometimes Raiden just fell asleep and if they recreated it precisely, he’d be wide awake and upset once more. There was just no telling.

”Alright, hand him over.”

Xander, bless him, had agreed. Caelia knew she’d be up in a few hours anyway, as the only one who could currently feed her son, but it would be pure bliss for the wailing to stop for a bit and to allow her to shut her eyes. Sometimes her body wouldn’t let her sleep, just knowing that Raiden was upset outside the charmed walls. But as tired as she was, she could generally manage. Giving him a little bounce, Caelia handed Raiden into Xander’s waiting arms.

The crying stopped almost immediately. Caelia blinked, confused, as it sounded like Xander had walked out of the room already with Raiden instead of remaining directly in front of her. There was a long pause, where Caelia was too afraid to say anything for fear of the crying coming back. ”Oh thank Merlin,” she found herself whispering, her ears still ringing slightly from the sound she’d been hearing for hours.

Slowly, carefully, Caelia took a seat next to Xander, watching Raiden’s now curious face as he looked about the room. ”Maybe he does like you after all,” she mused, voice still cautiously quiet. Caelia couldn’t quite believe it, though of course Raiden did do this sometimes. Despite how tired she was, she found that now all she wanted to do was watch the infant, who’d immediately become precious once more as he quieted.

xander yale zabini

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[xander yale zabini]

●●●

xander zabini

Xander wasn’t sure he was cut out for this. Ava had made it clear that she didn’t expect anything from him, that they didn’t have to do this together, and a selfish part of him had to admit that after encountering a constantly screaming, colicky baby, he wasn’t exactly eager to deal with another one. But was renouncing it right? Xander had already thrown his life away, what was another shit move? He tried not to think about it as Caelia passed over the shrieking baby. And then, as if by magic, the screaming stopped. Xander looked down at his nephew with a rather grumpy expression. Was that all he even wanted?

“Oh thank Merlin. Maybe he does like you after all,”

Xander was too grouchy from having been woken to find the humor in it. He developed a soft bounce in his step, Raiden tucked into the crook of his left arm, so the infant could hold onto his right index finger- which he gripped tightly. “I’m sure he’ll change his mind by morning,” Xander said sleepily.

It wasn’t to say everything was all bad. His nephew was cute when he wasn’t screaming, especially when Xander would play his viola for him in the bouncer. How he’d kick those little legs and look up at his uncle in wonder… He didn’t dare stop the sway and bounce routine, Godric knew it would make the baby start back up again, and that was the last thing anyone wanted. Xander could swear that even when Raiden was quiet his ears still rang… “I don’t know how the hell we’re still standing, Cae,” Xander mused, adopting a cheerful, soothing tone that didn’t fit the contents of his sentence. Raiden seemed to like the weird happy voice better, even though he was far too young to understand anything being said around him.

caelia vivien zabini ● 309 ● no notes

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[caelia vivien zabini]

let’s play pretend
Act like it comes naturally

Being disowned was mostly turning out wonderfully, but if there was ever a time Caelia wished the two of them still had a relationship with their mother, it was when Raiden wouldn’t stop crying like this. The Zabini matron wasn’t exactly known for her warmth, but she did have a pretty good hand with babies. And if nothing else, she’d be another person to put into the rotation so it wasn’t always the two of them so sleepless.

Of course, there’d be plenty of downsides too, so Caelia had to push the thoughts away. She’d rather Raiden was raised by her, Xander, and maybe Sylvie than by a slew of house elves and nannies. Now that she was free of her mother, she was determined to keep breaking the vicious cycle that had kept her imprisoned for so long. Raiden shouldn’t have to deal with that world.

”I’m sure he’ll change his mind by morning.”

”Oh, doesn’t he always,” Caelia replied back with a little smile and a chuckle. No matter how many lovely moments she had with her son, how many times she cared for him and he looked at her with love, he always went back to the crying. This was but a short respite, and they both knew it. Caelia could only hope that he’d get better with time, that’s what every other mother assured her.

”I don’t know how the hell we’re still standing, Cae.”

Caelia sighed, looking at Xander’s sleep-deprived expression. ”I keep thinking he’ll get better soon, but I don’t know how much more we can take,” she admitted, though she adopted the same cheery tone as Xander. She caught sight of Raiden’s eyes as she spoke, suddenly engaged in what she was saying, though he hadn’t been minutes prior. ”I’d say we hire a nanny for a break, but I’m afraid Ezra’s precious money is starting to run dry. This huge house is expensive.”

xander yale zabini

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[xander yale zabini]

●●●

xander zabini

”Oh, doesn’t he always,”

Xander nodded his sleepy agreement, still locked in the pattern of mindless gliding and bouncing- as if afraid that adjusting anything he was doing would set Raiden off again. Though, truth be told, it was likely accurate. He wasn’t sure what was keeping him there, Caelia had wanted to steal a few hours sleep, he ought to have taken to roaming the halls with his nephew as he always did when it was his turn- but with the baby quiet it seemed the disgraced Zabini siblings wanted to enjoy one another’s company, if only for a little while. Xander bit back a yawn.

”I keep thinking he’ll get better soon, but I don’t know how much more we can take,”

If he weren’t so exhausted, he would have laughed out loud at the exasperated sentence being spoken so cheerfully. Raiden made a little squeal, followed by a series of babbles, waving his fat little fists with his big eyes locked on his mother. Xander managed something of a snort instead, still bouncing, rocking, the motion having become largely unconscious at that point.

”I’d say we hire a nanny for a break, but I’m afraid Ezra’s precious money is starting to run dry. This huge house is expensive.”

Xander frowned. Since getting cut off money had been scarce for the first time in his life. It was foreign, having to stick to a, frankly, limited budget. Both he and Caelia worked, which helped, but the pinching of galleons was a foreign concept. “You ever think about selling?” Xander asked mildly, now beginning to pace a small circular circuit around the room, “I mean, we really don’t need this whole thing.” He wouldn’t push it if Caelia put her foot down, Merlin knew his sister had been through enough hell to earn the manor- but it was also highly impractical. They needed money more than they needed a mansion.

caelia vivien zabini ● 321 ● no notes

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[caelia vivien zabini]

let’s play pretend
Act like it comes naturally

Caelia caught the look on Xander’s face at her cheerful tone and the way he snorted in response, seemingly fighting the urge to laugh further should they disturb the baby in his arms. For a second, she grinned, remembering nights as children when they would try to stay up late without waking their parents, quietly bickering and giggling in one of their bedrooms. They’d been close as little ones, grown apart for a while, and now seemed to be back to their old ways. Caelia was glad to have Xander in her corner, she couldn’t imagine anyone she’d rather have there.

”You ever think about selling?”

”Only every day,” Caelia replied automatically. She hated this manor, what it had meant to Ezra, what it represented to her now. The whole thing was just his living memory, a reminder of what he had been like and what she’d done to rid herself of him. But also, in a way, it was the only thing she had left of the life she’d been accustomed to living. Where things were taken care of by house elves and beautiful things adorned every corner.

”I mean, we really don’t need this whole thing.”

Caelia looked around the little room, but in her mind’s eye she was imagining the whole place. The giant kitchen she rarely wandered into, the dining room she avoided, the study where Ezra used to conduct business, and of course this set of rooms where she’d made her way with Xander and little Raiden. The bad memories suddenly outweighed the good ones. ”Huh, maybe you’re right,” she replied. ”Where would we go?”

xander yale zabini

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[xander yale zabini]

●●●

xander zabini

“Only every day,”

The immediate response elicited another sleepy sort of snorting laugh from Xander. In that case, why weren’t they acting on it? He presumed a manor owned outright by a family for generations could collect a tidy sum. A smaller place with less upkeep, both monetarily and materially, sounded a better idea. A year ago Xander might have balked at the idea, he’d been used to luxury his entire life, always getting whatever material thing it was that he wanted. Somewhere along the line, though he couldn’t say where, his priorities had shifted. Xander wouldn’t go so far as saying getting cut off was a good thing that happened to him, but it had opened his eyes in a way he hadn’t expected.

He’d make it somehow. Caelia was counting on him, Ava was counting on him. He was going to be a father soon. The thought was always a sobering one, how was he to know if he would be any good at it? Blaise had hardly been a shining example for him, their father was cold, distant. But Raiden in his arms didn’t seem to notice his uncle’s reservations, contentedly settling against his chest while still babbling infant nonsense. Maybe his own child wouldn’t either.

”Huh, maybe you’re right. Where would we go?”

Xander frowned a bit, he hadn’t thought that far. “Wherever you want to?” Xander unhelpfully suggested, continuing to eye the room as he circled it with Raiden. “Could get a flat in the city, maybe a Hogsmeade cottage if you’d rather have land… What do you want?”

caelia vivien zabini ● 264 ● no notes

MADE BY VEL OF GS