Trying Something New [Wednesday]

[lorcan xenophilius scamander]

“

Things with Joshua were over.

It hadn't been fair to Joshua, putting him through everything that Lorcan was dealing with. He had been Lorcan's shoulder to cry on, his lifeline, sometimes the only reason Lorcan got out of bed in the morning. Every step of the way, since the Hogsmeade attack in April, Joshua had been there, supporting Lorcan in every way possible. And that wasn't fair—it wasn't fair for Joshua to give everything he had to someone who wasn't able to reciprocate in kind.

It had hurt, breaking up with Joshua. Lorcan wanted nothing more than to hold on to his now-ex with everything he had and never let go, but Lorcan knew he couldn't. If he truly loved Joshua, he had to let him go. He had to let Joshua find happiness somewhere it was deserved, with someone who could give him the love he was worthy of. Lorcan's heart was shattered into a million pieces, but at least he had done right by Joshua. That was what mattered, right?

Lorcan had bought the green hair dye as a joke years ago, when things were easy and the world wasn't so dark. He remembered the day vividly, though he couldn't remember why he and Lysander had wandered into the shop to begin with. He had been laughing when he threatened to dye his hair green, and bought the dye simply because Lysander said he wouldn't dare. Now, more than two years later, the box sat at the back of his bathroom cabinet, gathering dust.

It was surprisingly easy to apply, really. Lorcan grabbed the box off the shelf when he saw it and impulsively ripped the box open. An hour or so later Lorcan sported bright green hair that was a bit messy and uneven, and his scalp was green too, but he had to admit that he liked how it looked. He needed a change, needed something different.

And at least now, when he looked in the mirror, he didn't see Lysander staring back. 

Lorcan wasn't expecting any visitors that morning, and the knock on his door pulled him out of the drunken, drugged slumber he had fallen into the night before. He groaned and sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes and hastily pulling on clothes.

"Wednesday?" Lorcan groaned when he swung open the door, frowning at his friend. Some distant part of him remembered promising to meet her for brunch, but that probably wasn't right. She probably just dropped by because. "What're you doing here?"

wednesday brielle weasley ● september 15, 2022 ● 420 words ● n/a

Lorcan Xenophilius
Scamander★

dandy ♫

[wednesday brielle weasley]

●●●

wednesday weasley

Wednesday was worried.

Lorcan was usually fashionably late, but he never no-showed like this. Her old friend (sometimes with, and sometimes without benefits) would have at least sent a message if he wasn’t really coming to brunch. It had been a casual sort of standing arrangement, once a month or so they’d catch a weekend morning to pound mimosas and talk shit. Only Lorcan had never shown. Wednesday had waited, hadn’t even gotten a head start on the champagne, for over an hour before she resigned herself to the fact that he probably wasn’t coming. Grumpily, worriedly, and most annoyingly soberly, she’d eaten a waffle, paid the tab, and left to go and see him.

He hadn’t been the same since Lysander died, and likely hadn’t been out since their birthday when Wednesday and Nalani had dragged him on an excursion to Athens. She wanted to help, but she didn’t know how, seeing Lorcan spiral was hard. But she had a different, more sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t going to be able to relax until she knew Lorcan was still upright, hadn’t hurt himself. Wednesday would, however, not hold back on blowing up at him if he’d gotten himself arrested again. Once was stupid, but twice? Far more than idiotic.

Wednesday decided to check his flat first. She gave a courtesy knock rather than letting herself in, but if he didn’t reply she wasn’t above barging in. The on-and-off benefits part of their relationship had netted her a key to his apartment. In happier times she’d used it to be there waiting for him when he got home, occasionally wearing nothing but fishnet stockings… It felt like forever ago. Fortunately, after a moment, Wednesday heard movement from inside, and a minute later he answered the door- sporting a rather dramatic new look.

“Wednesday? What’re you doing here?”

She frowned, the pieces clicking almost immediately. “Well you stood me up for brunch so I came to find you,” said Wednesday, pushing past Lorcan to go inside without being invited, “you could have at least mourned the breakup over mimosas if you’d shown.”

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[lorcan xenophilius scamander]

“

Given who it was standing at his door, Lorcan probably should have just felt lucky that Wednesday had knocked at all. The on-and-off benefits their friendship entailed offered them both a lot of things, and a key to each other's apartment was one of them. At least when she knocked it had given Lorcan time to hastily stow the vials of potion he'd deposited on his kitchen counter the night before in a cabinet and at least try and look sober and awake. He still had a bit of a buzz going from the night before, softening his vision and casting the world in a gentle warmth, but it was starting to wear off and leave him with a headache. Hopefully whatever Wednesday wanted, it would be quick.  

“Well you stood me up for brunch so I came to find you. You could have at least mourned the breakup over mimosas if you’d shown.”

"Right, brunch, that's... yeah, that happened, sorry," Lorcan replied. He'd been having a hard time keeping appointments lately, whether it was brunch with friends, dinner with his family, or quidditch practice. It was easy, so easy, almost too easy to drift off into a dreamless slumber under the drugging effects of his potions. At least when he was asleep, or awake but too drugged-up to feel much, he could ignore most of what was going wrong in his life. When the world was soft and quiet, Lorcan could rest, and he could forget, even for a moment, everything he had lost. 

Lorcan was still rubbing sleep from his eyes when Wednesday mentioned the breakup, and it took him longer than it should have to realize what she meant. His mind was still moving sluggishly from a combination of being high and being half-asleep. Oh, the breakup, right. With Joshua. The breakup with Joshua. 

"Who'd you hear it from?" Lorcan asked, stepping aside as Wednesday let herself in. He was used to that, at least; his best friend had a tendency to do as she pleased, without asking permission. It was one of the best things about her. 

wednesday brielle weasley ● september 15, 2022 ● 351 words ● n/a

Lorcan Xenophilius
Scamander★

dandy ♫

[wednesday brielle weasley]

●●●

wednesday weasley

"Right, brunch, that's... yeah, that happened, sorry,"

He certainly didn’t sound very sorry. Wednesday was still a bit cross with him, but with a presumed breakup under his belt she supposed it was a little closer to understandable. A part of her wondered why she was trying so hard for him, when all Lorcan was doing was pushing her away, but she couldn’t just leave him to drown in his own grief- but what was she to do if he rejected the life preservers she tossed? Wednesday crinkled her nose a little, taking in the state of the apartment- it was just as filthy and rumpled as Lorcan was.

Maybe she’d push him into his own shower.

“Who’d you hear it from?”

Wednesday turned back to Lorcan, eyebrow arched. It had taken far and away too long for him to respond, as if he’d really had to think about what to say. Though she supposed based on the disheveled appearance and the way he was rubbing his eyes she’d woken him up. Woken him up, at this hour? It seemed maybe Lorcan was more of a mess than she thought. Wednesday sighed, perching one hand on her hip, the other gesturing to his newly green hair. It was obvious he’d just done it, and not even all that neatly, with the splotches of green staining his skin, the patches he’d missed in the back. It was a quintessential breakup crisis move. Wednesday was suddenly reminded of the time Starline had pried the kitchen scissors from her hand when she had wanted to cut her own bangs after her last failed endeavor.

“That speaks for itself, no?” asked Wednesday, now frowning, “did you want to tell me what happened?” Her tone made it clear she didn’t exactly consider it optional. She wouldn’t have blamed Josh for throwing in the towel with how Lorcan had been treating everyone lately- but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be ready to go give him an earful on Lorcan’s behalf.

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[lorcan xenophilius scamander]

“

“That speaks for itself, no? did you want to tell me what happened?”

Lorcan shrugged a little, stepping not-so-nimbly around the piles of clothes and out-of-place furniture and going to the kitchen. Coffee, that was something he could make. It might make his headache go away, or at least keep him awake enough to talk to Wednesday, until she was gone and he could spend the rest of the day in a hazy fog of intoxication.

He took longer than it really should have for him to turn on the coffee pot, setting out two cups and busying himself. The longer he could put off answering that question, the longer he had to come up with an answer that didn't make him sound pathetic and ridiculous. Not that there was any answer that wouldn't.

"Not much to tell," He replied when he sensed Wednesday was starting to get impatient with him. Lorcan loved his best friend, but she was not always the most patient person. "It's over, and that's that, and... it's over."

Lorcan swallowed hard, turning away and blinking rapidly. He was the one that had broken up with Joshua, the one to say that it wasn't working anymore and that Joshua deserved better, but that didn't make it hurt any less. It didn't make his heart feel any less broken. Joshua deserved better than someone like him, and Lorcan didn't deserve anyone even half as great as Joshua, but it still hurt. It still felt like he had stabbed himself in the chest and then pulled out the knife and watched himself bleed. 

wednesday brielle weasley ● september 15, 2022 ● 265 words ● n/a

Lorcan Xenophilius
Scamander★

dandy ♫

[wednesday brielle weasley]

●●●

wednesday weasley

Wednesday folded her arms, her right eyebrow climbing up her forehead as Lorcan didn’t answer the question, and instead trudged to the kitchen. She followed behind, nose instinctively wrinkling at the sight of dishes in the sink. How bad had things gotten for Lorcan? She was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt, she should have been more persistent with him, not let him get like this. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, resisting the temptation to begin impatiently tapping her foot on the floor while she waited for him to say something, anything.

Instead, for what felt like the longest time, he slowly, painstakingly made coffee, only looking back at her after he’d flicked on the machine and it began sputtering and hissing as it fired up.

“Not much to tell. It's over, and that's that, and... it's over."

Wednesday’s expression softened into a more concerned sort of frown. Well, that certainly didn’t clarify anything- mostly she was concerned if she needed to go knock some sense into Joshua- after, of course, knocking some sense into Lorcan first. “I’m sorry, Lor,” Wednesday said softly. She half wanted to hug him, but she was unsure of how he would take it, and he honestly really did need that shower. She instead stood on tiptoe to drape a hand on his shoulder, wanting to be at least of some comfort, but uncertain whether or not she was.

“D’you want me to go and yell at him?” Wednesday asked, her tone was somewhat joking, but the intent was serious. Their relationship had always been complicated, but Lorcan was still her best friend, there wasn’t much she wouldn’t do for him.

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MADE BY VEL OF GS

[lorcan xenophilius scamander]

“

“I’m sorry, Lor. D’you want me to go and yell at him?”

Lorcan shook his head immediately. Wednesday talking to Joshua would only make things more complicated, would only hurt Joshua more. Because that's what Lorcan had done—he had hurt Joshua, had hurt the man he loved, but it was what needed to be done. At least if Joshua hated him, then Lorcan wouldn't be holding him back anymore. Joshua could go find someone that was worthy of being loved by him, someone who could and had the desire to take care of themselves, and he could be happy. Lorcan didn't make Joshua happy, he knew that, and it had been selfish of him to hold on to Joshua as long as he had, just because the other man provided him with comfort and love.

"No, that won't be necessary," Lorcan replied, shaking his head one last time for good measure. He knew his best friend, and he knew she would go to bat for him with just about anyone. But that wasn't what needed to happen now. "It's not his fault. I'm the one that ended things, so, might as well just move on."

Lorcan knew that would only elicit more questions, questions he wasn't interested in answering. Wednesday wouldn't understand. Lorcan went over to the fridge, pulling out milk and the bottle of vodka he kept in the freezer. He set both on the counter beside the coffeemaker and impatiently smacked the top of the machine, hoping in vain that that would somehow hasten the brewing process. 

wednesday brielle weasley ● september 15, 2022 ● 259 words ● n/a

Lorcan Xenophilius
Scamander★

dandy ♫

[wednesday brielle weasley]

●●●

wednesday weasley

Lorcan shot down her offer immediately, shaking his head no sooner than the words had dropped from her mouth. Wednesday let her hand slip off his shoulder, frowning slightly. Maybe she ought to pay Joshua a visit anyway, with the way Lorcan was so dismissive of it. What had happened between them?

“No, that won’t be necessary. It's not his fault. I'm the one that ended things, so, might as well just move on."

Wednesday frowned again. She’d been worried before, but she was doubly so now. Lorcan had been continually isolating himself, and now a sudden breakup that he’d initiated? It seemed like he was cutting ties with everyone and everything, and that couldn’t be a good sign. She found herself rooted to the spot as Lorcan went to rummage in the fridge, eyes widening at the vodka removed from the freezer, as if it were a perfectly normal addition to coffee along with milk. He needed help, this much was apparent to her now, but she wasn’t sure how to get it to him. She blinked out of her stupor, approaching carefully, almost on tiptoe. Wednesday laid her hand atop his after he struck the coffeemaker, gaze peering up at him full of concern.

“Lorcan,” Wednesday said softly, unsure where to take the sentence, so she instead let the sound of his name hang in the air unaccompanied. It was breaking her heart to see him like this…

lorcan xenophilius scamander ● 240 ● no notes

MADE BY VEL OF GS

[lorcan xenophilius scamander]

“

“Lorcan."

Worry. That was all Lorcan could hear in her voice when Wednesday said his name. Worry was an emotion that Lorcan wasn't used to hearing in people's voices these days, at least not overshadowed by a healthy dose of pity. Pity was always there. Who wouldn't feel pity for the twin left behind? 

But for once, Wednesday spoke his name with nothing but worry and sadness. It was a refreshing change, though it shouldn't have been. Who wanted to be worried about? Certainly not Lorcan. He never wanted to be worried about, never wanted to be the one that needed worry. He was the eldest, the one that was supposed to hold his family together and keep them from harm. He'd failed to keep Lysander safe, but that didn't mean he wanted to be worried about. 

"I'm fine," Lorcan replied. His eyes drooped closed for a moment and he took a breath. He counted to three, deep breath in, deep breath out. "Things just didn't work out, and that's fine. Josh has a bright future ahead of him, doesn't need me holding him back. He'll hurt for a while, and he'll probably hate me forever, but I can live with that. He's going to do great things, but he wasn't going to if he had to worry about me all the time."

Whether that was the whole truth behind Lorcan's actions, he wasn't sure. He believed what he said, sure, but that didn't mean it was the only reason he'd broken things off with Josh. Maybe he was punishing himself, making himself unhappy because Lysander would never get to be happy. Lorcan wasn't sure, but he wasn't dawdling on it. 

"I'm fine, everything is fine. Just leave it, okay?" The last thing Lorcan wanted was to have to have a long conversation with Wednesday about why he had done what he had. 

wednesday brielle weasley ● september 15, 2022 ● 313 words ● n/a

Lorcan Xenophilius
Scamander★

dandy ♫

[wednesday brielle weasley]

●●●

wednesday weasley

“I’m fine,”

A lie if Wednesday had ever heard one. Ordinarily she might have gotten a bit testy at being so boldly lied to, but now didn’t feel like the right time for her typical, infamous temper. She was worried about Lorcan, scared, even. This all felt far too over her head for her to do anything, but it was clear that she couldn’t just let things drop like he wanted her to. When would he see that she wasn’t going to let him push everyone away? Or at least not her. Wednesday wrapped her hand around his much larger one the best she could, giving it a squeeze. Her eyes stung, but she stubbornly blinked back her tears. This wasn’t about her. This was about Lorcan, whether he liked it or not.

“... He's going to do great things, but he wasn't going to if he had to worry about me all the time."

Wednesday’s heart broke for him a little more with each word he strung into his explanation. It was as if he were punishing himself for taking his brother’s death so hard, something which had never been his fault. She swallowed, cleared her throat, but before she could begin to refute the lousy points he was making about himself, he spoke again.

"I'm fine, everything is fine. Just leave it, okay?"

She shook her head, standing on tiptoe so she could reach his jaw, turning his head to make him look her in the eye. “No, you’re not,” Wednesday said softly, her eyes glazed with tears again but she kept them from falling out of sheer determination. “Lor, you need help. Please, let me help you.” She wasn’t expecting this to go well, if anything he’d be apt to just blow up at her again, but Wednesday wasn’t willing to leave him be without a fight. He’d have to physically throw her out of his apartment if that was what he wanted.

lorcan xenophilius scamander ● 325 ● no notes

MADE BY VEL OF GS